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#英语

03 续写构思：优化续写段落布局“四步走”

现状回顾

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英语读后续写一种把阅读和写作紧密结合的考试模式，主要考查学生的语篇整体阅读理解能力、逻辑思维能力、多维想象能力和语言表达能力，旨在落实立德树人的根本任务，培养学生的英语学科核心素养。读后续写的目的在于考查学生综合使用语言的能力。续写除了要求学生掌握丰富的词汇和句子模式以外，还重视学生的内容构思和衔接情节的能力。主要体现在以下四个方面：（1）学生把握短文关键信息和语言特点的能力。学生需要读懂给定短文的主要内容，了解短文的关键词和语言结构的使用情况，然后续写出一篇文章。（2）学会正确运用语言，并使其丰富多彩。学生需要能够准确使用高级的词汇和语言结构进行表达。（3）对语篇结构的把控能力。考查学生对上下文逻辑关系的掌握情况，希望学生续写的短文语句连贯、有序。（4）培养学生创造性思维的能力。学生需要续写出具有丰富内容的短文，能够详细和生动地描述情景、态度和感情，写出高水平的高考英语读后续写的作文。

在读后续写这类题型中，考生通常需要对一篇故事性较强的记叙短文进行续写，这类短文具有可读性、可延展性、衔接性、完整性、温情性等特征，多弘扬真、善、美，传播正能量，或充满意趣性，给读者一定的愉悦感。在考试中，由于受时间所限、对文本解读不到位、理解有失偏颇、词汇知识储备不够、语法运用不灵活等因素的影响，考生的作品存在着诸多方面的问题。因此，在读后续写过程中，我们就需要整体布局续写语篇，整体安排写作进程，进而有序、有效地展开写作。

应对思维

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一、布局一：宏观把握语篇主题，预测所给语篇的整体架构关系

语篇主题是作者写作的主旨或某种情感的寄托，所有的故事情节都是围绕着语篇主题展开的，故事情节对主题 起到“众星捧月”的作用。同学们要想宏观把握语篇的主题，预知完整的故事框架，除了结合已有的故事情节及命题线索要求还需要特别短文的几处地方：

（1）文章的标题。标题是文眼，是语篇主题的导向性 浓缩与精华。

（2）已有语篇文本的主题句。这是文章铺叙的 根本和核心，也是预知文章框架的基础和前提。

（3各段落主题句。它们是文章总主题句的分主题句，是为总主题句服务的，同时也是续写后续情节的前奏和基础。

（4）续写段落首句。续写段落的首句往往是故事的分主题句，对该段落的写 作起导向作用。同学们要厘清该句与短文所有情节的架构关系，以便进行后续情节的推断与写作。

例如，示例短文是一篇记叙文，谈论的是人与自然的话题。故事的主题是爱护动物、拯救生灵。短文主要讲述了“我” 和小伙伴去爸爸工作的锯木厂附近的森林玩耍，遇到了一 只受伤的小鹿，以及“我”和小伙伴如何拯救受伤的小鹿的故事，体现了人与自然共生共存的人文情怀。一般来讲，故事性记叙文的主题比较明确，要么有明 晰的主题句，要么根据故事情节可以总结、归纳出主题句。 上述短文的故事主题属于第二种。结合短文内容，我们可以归纳出短文的主题――“Saving a wounded deer”。

实例分析

It was a burning hot day in late summer, when my father drove me and my friends Jim and John to the lumber mill(锯木厂) where he was working, to play for several days.

The workers ’ working conditions were really poor. Despite of the hot weather, that day the workers were still working hard. They were covered in sweat and sawdust (锯末) , looking discouraged and tired. It was dangerous, back-breaking work that paid very little. They did the job because they had no other suitable work to do to support their families.

We decided to play in the forest nearby the mill. So shortly after looking around the big yard of the mill, we three children ran out to the forest before my father could warn us to take care. The

dense forest was a place ?lled with wonders—a truly fun place for kids to play. Behind the big old trees we played hide and seek. We also removed our shoes and climbed to the top of tall trees to see what were in bird nests. Sometimes we quieted down, approached a noise-making insect, caught it and put it into big pockets of my white shirt. With everything seeming so interesting and pleasant, we couldn’t hold back our curiosity and excitement.

We three were exploring what attracted each of us when Jim suddenly called out:“Hey! There’s a deer in here!”Hearing this, John and I turned and saw a brown-haired figure lying under a tree. We raced towards it. Sure enough, there lay a beautiful little deer on its side, with bright big eyes looking us with fright. I was about to pat it when Jim said,“The deer must have been injured

somewhere, or it couldn’t be lying here.”What he said sounded reasonable. Having examined the deer carefully, we found one of his front legs was seriously hurt and bleeding from a cut.

注意：

1. 续写词数应为 150 左右

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答 。

“We must do something to stop the bleeding at once.”I said anxiously.

Hearing this, the workers at work all came out to see what the matter was.

二、布局二：续写段落首句与前后文的联系，微观预测语篇行文缺失的情节

记叙文一般含有五大要素，即 what、who、 when、where、how。故事情节在铺叙时常分为起、承、转、合四个部分。首先，阐述故事的起因、时间、地点、人物。其次，阐述故事情节的发展。在故事的发展过程中，作者通常运用“冲突”手段来延展故事内容，使故事情节跌宕起伏，引人入胜。再次，将故事的发展推向高潮。最后，矛盾得以化解，故事圆满结束。故事性记叙文通常运用“吊人胃口”的写作手法，令读者产生一定的代入感，不由自主地去阅读、探寻、解决问题。因此，合理想象与构思是精准续写后续情节的基石。同学们 在续写情节时，需注意以下几个方面：

（1）情节续写：必须:向正能量方向延展才符合作者的本意(禁止天马行空的胡 乱想象与推理) 。

（2）故事的内涵：要丰富，情节要有起伏，:具有审美性、可读性和一定的教育意义。

（3）故事的结尾：往往是故事的主题升华之处。合理续写，进而升华主题是考 查要点。

（4）重视续写段落首句的承上启下作用：分析该承接句与下文情节相呼应的地方，使续写内容与原文内容连贯、协同、合理，顺理成章。

例如，例文已知线索为：爸爸带“我”和“我”的两个好朋友 去锯木厂玩耍→我了解了那里的工人们的工作环境与现状 → “我”和朋友们去森林玩耍→ “我”和朋友们发现了一只 受伤的小鹿→ 小鹿的腿在流血……

据此，合理推断故事情节：

Para.1：在“我”说出必须先止住伤口的血后， Jim 和 John 有什么反应？ →他们有何建议或做了什么？ → “我”是怎么做的？ → “我”穿的白衬衫是否可以作为绑带为小鹿止血？ → “我们”是怎样进行急救的？→ 小鹿的伤势如何？ → 小鹿的伤好了吗？ → 小鹿是否需要人照顾一段时间？ → 从续段二第一句可推知，“我们”肯定回到锯木厂了，“我们” 喊了什么话让工人们听到声音就跑了出来？

Para.2：工人们听到呼喊后跑出来看到了什么？→他 们有什么反应？ → 小鹿的伤口还需要处理吗？ →爸爸是怎么做的？ → 工人们是怎么想的？→他们做了什么？→他们说了什么？ → “我”有什么样的感受？

厘清延展故事的思路后，同学们可以从记忆中调取所 学的语法、词汇和写作的相关知识和技巧，合理续写，延展成文。

三、布局三：注重情感与文风的协同，保持语篇整体叙述基调

故事性记叙文往往以叙事为主，同时含有主人公的情 感脉络，情文并茂，感人至深，给人以教益。情感作为文章 的重要脉络，对语篇所承载的人文主题的升华起重要作用。情感，一般分为“直陈式”情感和“委婉式”情感两种。“直陈式”情感是指直接运用情感词语来描述人物的情感，“委婉式”情感则指利用感官、表情、声音、体态语言等间接体现人物的某种情感。

此外，行文时，同学们还可以运用比喻、夸张、拟人、拟物等修辞手法描绘人物的情感，亦可运用省略、倒装、 强调等语法手段来表达人物的情感。为准确表达短文情感，同学们可采用以下策略：

（1）积累并拓展词汇

同学们可利用“同义词辨析法”强化同类词汇用法的 广度和深度。比如，“到达”可以用“arrive, reach, get to”等来表达。 如此，“We got to the farm together with some farmers at noon.”这一句还可以表达为“We arrived at/ reached the farm together with some farmers at noon. ”。又如，“忍受，容忍”可以用“put up with, stand, bear” 等来表达。如此，“Nancy can’t put up with her toothache any longer.”这一句还可以表达为“Nancy can’t bear her toothache any longer.”。

（2）利用副词的修饰功能展现情绪特征

比如在上述短文中可用“I said anxiously; said John anxiously; bound it tightly; patting it gently; talked excitedly”等 心情类词汇表达出主人公们关心小鹿的伤势、盼望小鹿康 复的急切心情。情感词汇寓于合理的情节之中，才能彰显出语言的魅力，令读者感受到英语语言之美，体味到语篇主题之情韵。

（3）巧用动词刻画心理特征并进行同义词替换

如“hurry, dash, rush, race, ?y”等表现急迫感的动词，可搭配“spot, notice, observe, take notice of, catch a glimpse of”以及表示进入的“break into, burst into, slide into, slip into, steal into”等相关单词或词组使用，使表达更丰盈、更准确，同时避免用词的泛化与重复，增加词汇的丰富性。

四、布局四：合理安排“变式”表达，提升行文流利度

续写部分要求词数控制在150左右，一般位于文中或文末。同学们在写作时，一要正确表达，合理续写，快速成文；二要适当运用变式表达手法，使行文充满灵性，从而 获得阅卷教师的“点赞”。鉴于此，同学们可以灵活运用省 略、倒装、强调等特殊句式或结构，使行文言简意赅，辞约义丰。例如：

With no path to follow, Alice just walked on for quite a long time. (with 复合结构)

Alice kept moving, but the farther she walked, the more confused she became. (the ＋比较级， the ＋比较级)

Never in her life had she tasted anything better. (否定词置 于句首，主谓语部分倒装)

If only she had not left her mobile phone in that bag with Tom. (if only 引导的虚拟语气)

参考范文

bandage!”said John anxiously. Glancing at my white shirt, I had a good idea. Taking it o? and tearing it into pieces, I folded them, pressed them onto the cut and bound it tightly. Everything done, we breathed a sigh of relief. Patting it gently, we encouraged the deer to rise. The deer attempted to, but in vain.“It takes him some time to recover. We should ?rst take it to the mill.”Jim suggested. So we three took turns to carry it on our way to the mill. On reaching the mill, I shouted:“Father, we have a wounded deer!”

Hearing this, the workers at work all came out to see what the matter was. Seeing the wounded deer ’ health condition, they understood and praised us for that. Then my father attended the wound of the deer with care and recovered it gradually. The unexpected arrival of the lovely guest brightened the day of the tired workers, who talked excitedly, forgetting all about their worries.“Leave it to us, and we’ll take good care of it.”One worker said excitedly.“After it recovers, we’ll return it to nature. Trust us!”Another assured us. The kind workers smiles ?lled me with a sense of warmth and pride.

考前小练

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（2022·湖南·长沙一中一模）阅读下面材料；根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

When I was 13, I climbed my first mountain. I was overweight at the time and out of breath when I reached the peak. But I loved the challenge of it. Soon I’d climbed nearly 100 peaks. My parents were happy I’d finally found my favorite hobby.

I often go climbing with my friend Mel Olsen. Two years ago, on December 30, when I was 16, she and I drove to Oregon to tackle 11, 240-foot Mount Hood.

It’s safer to start winter climbs at night when there’s less risk of the sun melting the snowpack. That day, we started at 3 a.m., following the paths alongside the ski runs. The temperature was about 14 degrees, and we wore layers we could easily remove, knowing the climbing would make us warm.

After about five hours, we reached Devil’s Kitchen, a plateau(高原) at about 10, 000 feet, just before the final push to the top. By this point, the wind conditions were very unpleasant. My exposed skin felt as though it were burning. Some other climbers decided to turn back, but Mel and I went ahead. We had ice axes(斧子), helmets and crampons(带钉铁鞋底). We were prepared for the climb.

The trail we followed grew narrower and steeper. At around 9 a.m., we reached an ice step. It was about three or four feet tall and sloped at a 75-degree angle. I volunteered to go first. I placed my left foot on the ice step.

You gain a sense of the ice when you stick your ax and crampons into it, and it felt good. Confident that I was safe, I put my full weight on it. Suddenly I heard a crack, and a whole thick piece of ice broke off the step, right under my foot.

In an instant, I fell backward. I could hear Mel calling my name as I fell down, bouncing off the rock face and rolling down the mountain as if I were a character in a video game. I remember thinking, “That is it. You’re done.”

注意：1.续写词数应为150左右；

2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

I stuck out my arms and legs, grabbing at anything.

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With Mel by my side I’d been lying on the icy rock for four hours by the time the rescuers reached me.

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【参考范文】

I stuck out my arms and legs, grabbing at anything. But it didn’t help!/(That slowed my rolling down the mountain, but I was still sliding.) After a few heart-in-mouth seconds, I came to a stop on an icy rock. My clothes were shredded, my helmet was broken and my face was bloodied from cuts and scratches. Worse still, I was suffering from a sharp, unbearable pain in my legs. Fear gripped me and I was sinking to the depths of despair when Mel made her way down. Seeing me unable to move, she yelled for help, and with the help of several adult climbers she called the Mountain Rescue.

With Mel by my side I’d been lying on the icy rock for four hours by the time the rescuers reached me. They strapped me into a sled and pulled me down the mountain. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but I screamed with each bounce. At the bottom of Mount Hood, I was loaded into an ambulance and taken to a hospital, where my broken legs were treated. I didn’t get released until one month later. It‘s true that the fall brought me pain and made me more cautious. But the experience also made me grow as a person with growing faith in friendship and greater enthusiasm for my favorite hobby.

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