The Birds and the Bees

鸟和蜜蜂

Adopt the pace of nature. Her secret is patience.——Ralph Waldo Emerson

The timer was set for ten minutes. I sat down on a soft pillow and crossed my legs with hands resting on my knees, palms up, eyes closed. “Okay, time to center myself, inhale, exhale. Relax… Re-lax… RELAX!”

I cracked an eye to check the timer. Thirty seconds had passed. Oh boy, this “me time” was going to be difficult!

As a working mother, my years passed in a blur of family-oriented activity without time for relaxing. When the kids were finally out of the nest and I was able to retire from my full-time career, I thought, Now I can take some time for ME!

Of course, as a lifelong list maker, I did my research. There were many possibilities. There were relaxation activities like yoga, meditation, getting pampered at a spa, exercise, socializing… I was determined to findthe one thing that truly filled my soul. And so began my not-so-smooth journey to finding myself.

Meditation was the first to come and go. I never fully understood how to shut my mind off for any length of time. I always felt like I was just waiting for it to end.

Next, I tried “Teatime as Me Time.” At first, I was very enthusiastic about this dainty endeavor. I envisioned sitting across from a dear friend, sipping from delicate cups and nibbling tiny sandwiches, but that is as far as it ever went. I have the fancy tea set (never used) and a pantry shelf full of tea packages that I will never consume. (I prefer the electric jolt of coffee in the morning.)

The pampering stuff isn’t for me either. I like being productive. Sitting around feeling special doesn’t feel special to me. So, I immediately scratched the spa ideas off my list.

Exercise is a highly recommended me-time activity. I liked to exercise, so why not double up my workouts and plan some exciting fitness goals? But after a week or so of training, exercise time felt more like torture time.

Many other me-time experiments left me wanting less of them, not more. I felt like a failure at this relaxation thing, especially when I found myself procrastinating to begin a me-time routine. I would chastise myself for “wasting” precious hours daydreaming on my front porch with my two dogs, watching the big, fuzzy bumblebees buzz about my garden. In those moments, time stood still. I could while away the morning watching the bugs, birds, and critters do their thing. I would delight in the seasons — Mother Nature birthing and dying in her perennial cycle.

A profound perspective is gained when noticing the small details of this miraculous world. My self-absorbed human concerns were really nothing in the grand scale of things. Taking the focus off myself was a relief. I realized that all the shoulda-woulda-couldas of living my best life placed more expectations on me, my relaxation and my performance. Ironically, I discovered that I truly desired less emphasis on meal together.

Maybe the experts had this me-time thing all wrong, and it had little to do with “me” or “time” as I was defining it. Perhaps we are too concerned with how we spend our time instead of enjoying the nothing-ness of simply being. Instead of viewing it as a void, a hesitation between activities, we can shift our consciousness into embracing timelessness. Witnessing simple, humble moments of nature re-centered my soul better than anything else. Maybe a better version of “me time” is simply “be time”… or, better yet, “bee time”!

I just watched a young robin sunning its outstretched wings in the afternoon warmth. He closed his eyes as if to fully appreciate the moment, and I wondered if he was taking a little me time for himself. I watched until he flew away, and I am not sure how much time transpired. It could have been a minute or ten, but I enjoyed every second of it. However, I wonder, “Does it count as me time when I watch a bird enjoying his?”

I think back to all those busy years when I did not take a moment to appreciate our intricate natural world. Even when I rushed to make the 5:00 yoga class, to learn how to stretch and ground myself, the Earth’s bounty was dancing outside the door. Now, I realize that me time is highly overrated if it makes me feel more pressure to fit one more thing into my schedule, especially if it takes away from the time I would have to simply… be.（789 words）